All Good Things (and some mediocre ones as well) Must Come to an End

One final haiku
To finish Two Thousand Eight:
Thank you for reading.

Yes. Thank BOTH of you for reading. Hahaha! With the closing of A Year in Haiku check with dullgloomy tomorrow for information on a new project (or two) for 2009.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Out of the Box

From long-closed boxes
Come odds and ends from the past --
Pale ghost memories.

There were a few rather amusing little tidbits, like cards and letters from old friends, random pictures from the walls of my teenaged room, and little cards and pictures made by kids who are now college aged (or older).

Save Your Intervention

I fell prey again
To an enormous book sale.
Hey, I'm not on crack!

If one is to be addicted to something, it may as well be books (and movies), right?

Bang Bang!

A goofy waiter
And a fun musical that
Starred a flying car.

That was my day.

Season Finale

As of this evening,
It's the end of an era
For a ten-year gig.

One of the places I work is closing up and relocating, and even though I plan to move with it, it still seems like a chapter coming to a close. It was great having a bunch of friends come and join me on that last shift.

Boxing Day

Hangin' out with kids
Was a fine diversion on
This year's Boxing Day.

Merry Happy

A nice quiet day
Spent with a few old people
With whom I share genes.

It was a pleasant, laid back Christmas day with the parents. Tomorrow will see the rest of the family join us before I head back home. Merry Christmas!

C.E.

From friends to fam'ly,
Christmas Eve has taken me.
Merry Christmas, All!

Promiscuous Visitation

Friends, friends, then more friends:
That's my kind of holiday.
(It just needs more naps.)

Evening Spent

Friends came for dinner
Tea, snacks, and conversation.
Happy Holidays!

Finish Line

Christmas shopping's done
(At least I believe it is)
Let wrapping begin!

Declining Balance of Patience

Dear Gift Card Woman:
When you ask for fifteen cards
We want to kill you.

There was a woman in front of me at the ole Tim Hortons today and she was getting at least fifteen cards (that's how many I could actually count in the piles she had lined up; there may have been more) each being loaded up with with five bucks. Needless to say, we didn't appreciate it as we were just waiting patiently while each was taken, swiped, loaded up, receipt printed, and packed back into its little envelope. Naturally there was difficulty with a few of them, not loading up properly on the first try. One woman just gave up and left. Can't say I blame her.

Blizzard

Ridiculous snow
Confirms this is Canada
And that winter's here.

Stupid amount of snow fell today.

Jolly

Happy singing man,
Despite your lack of talent
You did make me smile.

This enjoyable fellow was doing a little bopping dance while waiting in line, occasionally singing along with the carols playing in the store, and was jubilantly wishing people a Merry Christmas. It was very enjoyable.

Commentary

Always flattering
To be told that one looks tired,
Even if it's true.

I love it when people just come out and say things like that.

"You look tired."

"You feeling alright? You look sick."

"Man, you're ugly as sin on a gatepost."

Mercury Rising

A frosty morning,
Both on the inside and out,
Gives way to new warmth.

The furnace has been fixed. After awakening to 49 degree F temperatures in the house, I was eager to have everything taken care of promptly.

Aged

Informal visit;
Happy Birthday to Sonya.
Take-out and a couch.

Woohoo! Still, it was nice to just hang out.

Bob

Another season
Of Survivor has ended.
It was a good one.

I was pleasantly surprised. I was resistant to the whole Survivor thing for the first while, then a friend made me start watching and I've caught it more often than not since. I'm not tooth-and-nail about seeing it, but I catch it when I can. This season was pleasantly entertaining.

Spells Relief

What a pleasant change
To fill my take with gas for
Less than thirty bucks.

Seriously.

Labourous

Work in the morning,
Work in the afternoon, and
Work in the evening.

My day in a nutshell.

Engage!

Children being cute
Means that the season is now
Officially on.

The Doctor is In (Apparently)

Something in my face
Must beckon, "Please talk to me,
Though we are strangers."

Seriously. People strike up mini-conversations with me despite my best attempts at looking prickly and unapproachable. I'm just glad I no longer have to use the laundromat. Those places were packed with persistent conversationalists.

Hello, My Name is Claude Rains

Nothing like being
Treated as invisible
By the store sales staff.

I hate that! You wait patiently, trying in vain to get help in a store. Then, after actually physically speaking with someone, they disappear and don't return for another fifteen minutes to actually assist you. Grrr. I really need to stop being polite and well-mannered.

Accessibility Options

DVD makers
Really ought to consider
The colour-blind folks.

I hate it when I can't tell what's highlighted on a menu. Drives me nuts. Just put a little symbol that moves around, okay? Is that asking so very much?

Paging Nancy Drew

I wish to solve the
Mysterious vanishing
Of my winter boots.

Pancakes and Prophets

Perkins past midnight:
Theological debates
At volumes too high.

While enjoying a late night meal with Jackie, I had to endure the intense (and sometimes bizarre) theological interpretations of a woman one table over at extremely high volumes. It was rather difficult to focus on my own conversation as a result. The two gentlemen with whom the loudspeaker was dining were, in contrast, very gently spoken and mellow.

Homeward

On a midnight drive,
Snow drifting in street lamp light,
Winter deceives me.

Deceives me how, you ask? Into almost believing that it's not so bad. But nay, dear readers, I shall not be fooled, for I know that this is not all that winter is or shall be. It will soon turn ugly with bitter cold, damp winds, and plenty of pain.

Colour Blind

Dear Sedan Driver,
When I have a light that's green
It means I can go.

I nearly slammed into the side of the aforementioned sedan when the driver decided that he could enter the intersection on a red light. Fear not. The crisis was averted. Dennis would be proud.

Aesthetics

It takes a good friend
To tell you your eyebrows have
Gone out of control.

Yeah. Thanks.

Proverb

Early to bed and
Early to rise will make me
Bitter and grumpy.

Okay, so that's perhaps a bit overstated, but I'm not a morning person.

Ground Control to Major Tom

The Countdown is on:
A Year in Haiku will soon
Complete its last month.

Subtle

Brightman in concert.
Sarah's secret love for me
Was expressed throughout.

It's true. Ask Betsy.

Recap

Several visits
And a decorated tree.
It was a good day.

I Got Rhythm (why don't you?)

Dear Mall Pianist:
When playing those much-loved tunes,
Learn to find the beat.

I was in Chapters this evening with Jackie and they had a little electric piano set up with a guy playing. He was KILLING me while SLAYING some melodies that I love. It was almost more than I could bear. He seemed to be someone with some technical skill but absolutely no sense of musicality. It was like nails on a chalkboard which was, in turn, being used to smack me up the side of the head. (I won't even get into the woman who occasionally sang ...)

Moving Forward

Now having survived
Another parents' visit
Life can continue.

Exhausted

A funeral and
A visit from my parents.
Time to go to bed.

Compliance

Water meter gal
Took all of twenty seconds
To check my meter.

So glad I rushed home from work.

"Madge! I soaked in it!"

How kind of Sonya
To risk getting dish pan hands
For my benefit.

Thanks! Come visit anytime, even if you don't do housework! Haha!

No Refunds

Went to see Repo:
The Genetic Opera.
The jury's still out.

There were good things about it, which is not the same thing as saying it's a good movie. I enjoyed going to see it (and enjoyed the company of those with whom I saw it), but can't quite predict that it'll achieve cult or classic status. It looks good, features some good performances (I terribly enjoy Anthony Stewart Head and Sarah Brightman), and was a fun night out.

Cousins

A husband and wife
Should not look so much alike.
It appears inbred.

Indulgence

I do not intend
To drag myself out of bed
'Til I darn well please.

The prospects of sleeping in tomorrow fill my heart with joy. Aaaahhhh!

Drip

Why would the drive through
Leave an unprotected space
Between two windows?

How annoying in weather such as this, when water is running off the roof, to be beautifully shielded by little awning things while at the two windows, but to drive between them and have the water fall directly into your window? Nice design, people.

Forests and Trees

In my living room
There's a can of Static Guard
Hiding in plain sight.

Random observation. What can I say?

Drifting Upwards

Soon I will surface,
Drowning no longer in the
Sea of paperwork.

Poppin' Pussies into Pies?

Eleven thirty:
A crank call to accuse me
Of killing a cat.

Haha! Although I probably should have been annoyed given the hour of the call, I couldn't help but just laugh and say, "Have a good night."

Coaster

The day's ups and downs:
Hours of online paperwork
And a wrap party.

I'll let you figure out which of those was the "up" and which was the "down".

Prescribed

"How are you today?"
"Too bad about the weather."
This? Subway Boy's script.

It was so funny to hear him have the same conversation opener with everyone in line. Depending on responses, he then went all improv on us, but the start? Virtually identical. Ha! I wonder if Subway management has said, "Be sure to engage the customers in friendly chatter. Talk about the weather if you have to."

Memories of Corn

I had forgotten
How delicious Fritos are
Though likely deadly.

Eye Do

It's so nice to see
The dollar store girl dolled up
With false eyelashes.

Do people really wear those in their everyday lives? The big, bold dance-recital ones? Who knew?

Bait and Switch

Sometimes eBay stinks,
Like fishy DVDs that
Come from Malasia...

... despite being listed as coming from the UK. Hmmm.

Craving

Say what you like, but
Some days eating apple chips
Doesn't quite cut it.

Healthy or not, I broke out the good old potato chips. They weren't even that great, being cheapo brand, but they served their purpose after a thirteen hour stretch at work!

Incidentally, it's just wrong to find an apple chip complete with the entire stem attached.

Colour Theory

It seems post show blues
Will have to take a back seat
To paperwork blues.

Wrap

With closing night comes
The end of the meat pies and
The "Ladies' Man" wig.

See. There's always silver lining!

Crunch Time

Sometimes the neighbour
Shouldn't back into a car
And then ignore it.

That's right. The anti-social neighbour backed into Sonya's car today right in front of us and then got out, walked right past us without acknowledging it or saying a word, and went into his house, leaving us pretty much dumbstruck thinking, "Huminah-huh?

Ominous

A long sleep awaits
If I'm not kept awake by
Sounds from the spare room.

Keep it down in there!

Blech!

It caught up with me,
The sickness running rampant
Through my place of work.

Jumble

Today played out as
A comedy of errors
(Not Shakespearean).

I won't even try to explain the utter chaos of the day. Suffice it to say it started around seven and went through until dinner. Ridiculous.

Changing Rooms

Barack Obama
The forty-fourth president:
The world has high hopes.

Fall

My poor little tree
Has lost its leaves, but fear not:
They'll return in full.

Revisited

Sonya's family
Makes me laugh but even more
Do her reactions.

Diet

Leftover candy
The day after Hallowe'en
Shouldn't be lunch, right?

31

A parade of beasts,
Of characters and spirits.
Happy Hallowe'en!

Shady Anatomy

Overheard tonight:
"Maybe there's lungs in my feet."
Don't talk, teenaged girl.

Clearly

It curious that,
Even after busy days,
No haiku comes forth.

It's like my brain has checked out for the night. Don't ask me what's happened all day. My mind has dumped its cache. Ha!

Spaz

Continued abuse
Of my head reduced by pills.
Thank you pharmacist!

The horrible stabbing pains haven't been completely eliminated, but the situation is much improved thanks to muscle relaxants. Let's hope they're gone by the morning.

Hurtful

I've jarring pains like
Knitting needles in my head;
A cap made of ouch.

Bye Bye Miss (Non)American Pie

This week will provide
A dietary reprieve:
A break from meat pies.

And thank goodness for it.

Greased Lightning

Those slippery socks
Were nearly the end of me
Upon the top step.

But fear not, dear reader(s)! I didn't fall to my death!

Decomp

An uneven night.
Butchered a song in Act I;
A barber in II.

Live Theatre

I guess I survived
The preview night of the show
(Unlike the victims).

Miig Wech

Another day spent
In meetings while living on
The great turtle's back.

Scale

I think the oven
And grinder could be hideouts
For escaped convicts.

Clearly back-timed since I didn't get home until 12:30 ... and then had to do paperwork for today.

Yikes

Won't even discuss
The travesty which came of
The evening's work.

Sha-Gna-Gnas

Sitting on the couch
Hearing the creepy noises
From somewhere outside.

At least I hope it's outside. It sounds like an animal gnawing on my porch roof. I hope that's not it, but I'd prefer that to it being an animal gnawing in my attic...

De-Vine

Finally, it's done:
That horrible vine is down.
May it not return.

Thanks once again to Jeff and Jackie who came to my assistance. Anybody need a thousand pounds of dead vine?

Cultural Integration

My days really need
More napping spread throughout them.
When is siesta?

Let's work towards bring the siesta to North America, shall we?

Glitch

Went to write haiku.
Computer was acting up.
Pretend it's not late.

So the browser stopped responding every time I logged into blogspot. Seems to be resolved now. Sorry.

Called to Order

Funny, isn't it,
That a day filled with meetings
Can seem like a break?

It was surprisingly pleasant and relaxing. Of course, I've come to realize that I've ended up once again with lots of committees, meetings, responsibilities, and whatnots this year. Surprise surprise.

Featherbrained?

Mysteriously
A wee white feather appeared
Upon my right arm.

No, it wasn't growing there, but it's still mysterious! I stepped into the shower this morning, lifted my wrist and there was a little feather. The thing is, I don't have anything stuffed with feathers. No feather pillows. No feather duvet. Nothing that has been touched or opened since I moved into the house. So from whence did it come?

A Run on Candles

That latest birthday
In a long stream of birthdays
Brings wishes to June.

Seriously, the past two months have brought birthday after birthday, leading me to believe that the whole "People get bored in winter, so babies are born in fall" thing has some validity. I haven't even commented here on most of the birthdays which have come and gone. In any case, I hope June had a smashing birthday.

Back to Basics

Remember when I
Said I was feeling better?
Maybe not so much.

Blech.

Hodge

A curious day
Of late starts, porch sitting, and
Jackie's birthday.

Happy Birthday, Jackie!

Catching Up on Some Zs

A day spent in bed
Can work wonders on one's health
And one's sanity.

I'm not back to 100% yet, but I'm improved.

WHAT?!?! POTATOES?!?! FOR REAL?!?!

"Made with the goodness
Of potatoes" is how they're
Marketing french fries?

Seriously? McCain Superfries new commercial is promoting their fries with that slogan and by saying that they're vegetables? Seriously.

So we're supposed to be surprised that they're potatoes? We're supposed to suspect that other brands of fries are not?

And we're supposed to think we can count a plate of fries as a serving of veggies? Come on. Even I -- who would have a vested interest in believing so -- won't buy that.

Apparition?

Returned home tonight
To find my neighbour standing
In darkened window.

It was a bit odd and creepy, to be sure. Got out of my car. Saw the silhouetted figure in the window, watching. Spooky.

Romans and Egyptians

Christopher Plummer
Sure does spit an awful lot
But it's worth the risk.

I went to see Caesar and Cleopatra at Stratford last night. The production was wonderful -- funny, engaging, and beautifully designed -- and was an unexpected gem, given that we chose it simply because it was showing on the one day we could make it to Stratford. Mr. Plummer really was excellent, and Anika Noni Rose, who played Cleopatra, was delightful, holding her own quite nicely opposite him.

Mower Than Can Be Expected

Proof my friends are best:
Returning home to mown grass.
Thanks, Jackie and Jeff.

This probably should have been yesterday's entry since that's when it happened. Knowing that I've been both busy and sick, my dear friends came and cut my lawn while I was at rehearsal. Isn't that completely groovy? I'm sure my lawn-loving neighbour was happy to see it, too. Ha!

End Result

Today's rehearsal
Ended with a headache and
A throat like raw meat.

I've got to get a plan together for recovering my voice fully in the next week or so.

Home Again, Home Again , Jiggety-Jig

To my dear Keltie,
I've got your birthday present.
Do you want it now?

It's made its round trip successfully. Shall I send it again or will we see each other at some point?

Not-So-Jagged Little Pill to Cure My Ails

A day home from work
Doctor's visit and sick, too,
And yet relaxing.

Strange that my most relaxing day in weeks had to come by force of being sick. I guess it was bound to hit me sometime.

Courtesy Car

When on the highway
Someone honks and waves to you,
You must, in turn, wave.

Even when you don't know who they are.

While driving to work, I heard a honk and looked over to find a car which had met my pace. The driver grinned and waved, for all intents and purposes like someone who knew and recognized me before scooting on up the road. I had no idea who it was, but waved back dutifully. Either they were mistaken or I just didn't get a good look, but either way, I felt a bit ridiculous about the whole thing.

Incoming

It's nice, for a change,
to get money, not give it
to the insurance.

How often does that happen? RECEIVING cheques from the insurance company? Woohoo! It's not much, but it's a victory on principle.

Tasty

Recently restocked
On my favourite new treat
For breakfast at work.

Not long ago, I discovered Pita Break's Apple Cinnamon Breakfast Pitas. Sweet mother, these things are delicious. Pop one in the toaster and in a moment you've got hot delicious apply-cinnamonny goodness. Delicious, I say!

I also enjoy that their slogan is "Happy People Baking".

Before Lunch

A staffing glitch left
Me doing the job of two.
A hectic morning.

Hitched

Congratulations
Sarah and Luke, on your most
Beautiful wedding.

Admission of Guilt

After the parade,
rehearsal, dinner, party --
I forgot to post.

Oops!

Loophole

Restraining orders
May be void when the stalker
Stays in the guest room.

That's right. Sonya's in the digger room tonight. Sleep tight, Sonya!

Common Cents?

Seems a bit silly
That mayo costs twenty cents
And lettuce, thirty.

Seriously? It costs ten cents more for lettuce? It costs anything for lettuce? Oh, the burdens of trying to recapture a little of that Big Xtra goodness...

The Ring that Binds

I applaud you, sir,
For standing up to your wife,
Choosing for yourself.

I was once again picking up fast food before rehearsal and the woman in front of me was rather passionately berrating her husband for ordering the onion rings.

"You ordered them last time and you didn't like them! Why would you order them again? You're not getting them! Get the fries or something healthier. You're not getting the frickin' onion rings!"

Yes. She actually said, "frickin'."

He ordered the onion rings, and I hope he enjoyed them.

I suspect that, even if he didn't enjoy them, he would have enjoyed eating them, if you know what I mean.

Retrospect

I guess, looking back,
It would have been a good night
To wash the dishes.

Oh well.

Flora and Fauna

A recent purchase,
Based on a whim,has paid off:
Plants and Animals.

I was in HMV and, for some reason, paid attention to the "HMV recommends" shelf and picked up "Parc Avenue" by the band Plants and Animals. I must say, it's one of the best whim purchases I've made in recent memory. I'm very much enjoying it! Check 'em out!

40 Winks (Give or Take)

My goal for tonight
Is to go all out and get
Five and a HALF hours!

Woohoo! Maybe the extra half hour will make ALL the difference and I'll be bright-eyed and spry all day long! (And oh, what I day it aims to be: non-stop from seven in the morning to ten-thirty at night.)

Beastly

Monkey children loose
With parents standing nearby
As they swing in trees.

While waiting in line at the zoo today, Sonya and I were struck by the idiocy of some parents, who not only allowed, but encouraged their children to climb, swing, and otherwise goof off in a little grove of trees beside the entrance. Not only do I want to give them a shake and say, "What are you thinking? This isn't a jungle-gym!" but I saw the kids clambering through the bare, leafless, adn noticeably weak and damaged trees, and thought, "And if one of those kids fell and cracked his or her head on the rocks below, the stupid parent would probably sue."

People irritate me.

Niagara Gorge

I should know better
Than to leave the Bulk Barn bag
So close to the couch.

It's pathetic how much junk I've eaten tonight.

A Delightful Find

What is the logic
Of putting Turkish Delight
Among worldwide soups?

I went to the trusty Bulk Barn to get my Turkish Delight fix and was having trouble locating my trusty vice. Where, oh where could it be?

Among the gummy-styled treats (where I found it on my last visit)? No.

Among the licorice and soft-sweets like "Nibs"? No.

Among the hard candies and mints? No.

Among the chocolate and yoghurt-covered treats? No.

Finally I was forced to ask if there was some secret stash of my beloved Turkish Deight, and was led directly to it.

Silly me. Of course it would be found among the Thai soup mix, Indian soup mix, and mixed vegetable flakes. When I think of Turkish Delight, those things come immediately to mind! My guess is they saw, "Turkish" and went, "INTERNATIONAL FOODS!"

Yeesh.

Parking Pot

Busy parking lots
Are not the place to smoke weed
In early evening.

I was a bit taken aback when I stopped at the bank machine and came out to find a trio of youngsters smoking their pot in the middle of the busy lot, just hanging out, smoking, and talking. Um. Get a rec-room, kids.

Between

Perfect pewter moon
Ahead; liquid sun behind
On my morning road.

It was one of those stunning picture moments: a clear full moon hanging ahead of my car and behind, one of those watery, rippling fire-suns. Perfect in both directions. Very cool.

Das Coo'

Need a place to "chill"?
Then come hang on my front lawn.
All the cool kids do.

I arrived home today from a little jaunt with Jackie and found three neighbourhood girls sitting on my front lawn eating snacks. As I walked up to the house, one called out, "We're just chilling!"

Hahahaha! Sometimes kids kill me!

Shoot the Duck and Get it Over With

It's probably not
A high-brow establishment
When it's called "The Duck".

Between rehearsals, a bunch of us went to The Golden Pheasant, also known as "The Duck". I'd never been there before, but let me tell you, there's nothing golden about the place. I mean, come on, it's called The Golden Pheasant, but it's logo has a picture that looks suspiciously like Daffy Duck in the early years. Hmmmm.

In any case, upon arriving, Sonya and I had difficulty figuring out how to enter, as one door was clearly a door into the kitchen and the others were distinctly "emergency exitesque" in nature. You know what I mean. Solid, institutional, and should-open-into-an-alley-like. We found our way in (one of the aforementioned doors was, indeed, unlocked) and placed our orders.

As the time ticked away, and the hour of our expected return to rehearsal approached, we became concerned with the fact that there was no sign of food in sight. At all. An hour after ordering quick food like quesadillas and ham sandwiches, there was no food.

No. Food.

Long story short, seeing we had only about fifteen minutes before we had to leave again, we had to ask for our bill, prepay, and ask for our food to be packed to go.

And still we waited.

Tick tick.

And waited.

Tick tick.

And waited.

Tick.

We all knew we would now be late for rehearsal, but we'd paid and everything.

What choice did we have, but to wait?

Tick.

And wait.

Tick.

FINALLY the food arrived, just at the moment we were SUPPOSED to be across town starting rehearsal.

It was absurd.

Needless to say, we will not be going back there. Needless to say, it was not my idea.

In a Pickle

Swept under the rug
Is the cucumber shortage
Threatening our land.

Or at least that's the way Cheryl would have it told. I met with her and her family today for our annual pickling duties (shut up, it's an enjoyable excuse to get together and visit) but short notice and a later-than-usual pickling date made it difficult to locate cucumbers, let alone "threes" which is apparently the size we usually need and use. Ha!

Still Alive

Some wonderful friends
And plenty of candled treats
Sprinkled through the day.

I may have gained five pounds over the course of the day, but I'm okay with that. I am really blessed with a great bunch of friends both near and far and I appreciate them more than I probably let on. Yes, that includes YOU (unless I don't actually know you, but if I don't I'm pretty sure you're not one of the four people who read this, anyway, so it's probably pretty safe to say)!

Mirage?

The young folk next door
Are singing Oasis songs
Lustily and loud.

But who am I to complain? Not long ago, I'm sure they were thrilled when I had folk over and they all ended up gathering around the piano to sing old standards and songs from shows. Ha!

Don't Do Anything

Singer-Songwriter
Sam Phillips was all I'd hoped
And plenty beyond.

Thanks, John, for tipping me off to her show and for taking me along. I was completely taken with every moment of her performance. Every song, every spoken word during banter, every little textured note and rhythm from her band was gripping. It was a complete treat to see this artist, whom I've followed since the 80s, live at long last.

Check out her website here!

[I admit that I'm writing this a day late. I was tired and went to bed when I got in.]

'Til the Clouds Roll By

Sonya is Smokin'!
(And apparently so was
Her car this evening)

Here's hoping for inexpensive repair!

Blank

As midnight draws close,
I cannot think of a thing
For writing about.

The day was fine and reasonably filled -- work, a nap, dinner with friends -- but it all seems like stuff I've discussed before. So instead of a fascinating haiku (and let's be honest, you've long since given up on finding a fascinating haiku here), you get this cop-out. Enjoy!

Slickly

Moments of humour,
Possibly unintended,
Caught me quite off guard.

I saw this commercial tonight and I thought I was going to pee myself laughing. Not only is it an all-round awful commercial in practically every way, but there's something there that had me bursting out with laughter. I don't know whether to be astounded that nobody noticed/spoke up about certain imagery or to marvel that they intended the aforementioned imagery and considered it appropriate. It's ridiculous and ridiculously amusing. Watch it now!

McMoron

Lacking common sense,
The McWorkers left my bag
Sitting for a while.

Seriously. I picked up drive-thru on the way home from work, and I watched as the manager put my bag on the little table and went off to get the next order while the drive-thru girl took more orders. Now I'm sure that theoretically that's the way things should normally work, but it would have taken you three more seconds to hand it out the window to me, sending me on my way. Watching it sit there while she took the longest order in the history of drive-thrudom was just plain painful.

More than 40

Tomorrow morning
I'm going to sleep in like mad.
Make up for the week.

These early mornings are kicking my butt. I'm due for a massive snooze.

Blink

Wendy's burger joint
Here today, gone tomorrow;
A vanishing trick.

Seriously. There were no indications at all that anything was going to happen and then one day, BOOM!, the building's gone. Amazing.

Off the Top

A grocery store
With no skim milk in its fridge
Cannot be "Super".

I stopped by the "Superstore" on the way home from work for some milk. I was a bit drawn back, then, when I saw that the fridge was not only entirely bereft of skim milk, but nearly empty of any and all milk. Oh, there was plenty of soy milk, and even a couple of cartons of goat's milk, but that was almost it. Empty shelves galore. Maybe Wednesday is not the day to hit the grocery store...

Spindles

A tall skinny man
Stands at the post office desk,
Baby giraffe legs.

Seriously. Tall, thin people, in particular, should not stand with their feet far beyond shoulder width. It will, invariably, remind me of baby giraffes.

Flashers

Mysteriously,
Police lights flash just outside.
An untold story.

I wonder what was going on....

Bookish

Returned to the porch
For some decent reading time,
And it felt quite good.

I've been neglecting my reading time lately, just reading in short bursts here and there, but today I twice went onto the porch with a cup of tea and really read for decent bursts. I didn't read crazy long, but, compared with what I've been doing lately, an hour long reading session or two was nice.

If Only the Beer had been Root

The drunken fellow
At the A and W
Tried to steal a mug.

And that was after he told the woman behind the counter (Kim) in very loud and blusterous voice, that he wanted to have the big A&W bear. He was a bit drunk and unruly, despite it being about two in the afternoon... But Kim was amazing: polite and assertive. And she got her mug back.

Backtrack

Finally caught up
On Reading Spectaculars
From several weeks back.

Oops. Sorry about that. Dullgloomy's getting back up-to-date...

Intersection

Police officers
Required to direct traffic
Could use some training.

Seriously. Learn to do it efficiently and logically to move as many cars as you can as quickly as you can.

Big Top

Saltimbanco is:
Stunning, gripping, magical
And completely fun.

After seeing Kooza last year, I was totally looking forward to seeing another show. Saltimbanco did not disappoint in the least. Those performers are amazing, each and every one. I cannot wait for the chance to see a third Cirque du Soleil show!

Pain in the Neck

I guess I'm kinky,
At least in my neck, that is.
Who wants to massage?

What? No takers? Go figure.

Shady

Walking in the light
Would be hindered if you had
Awnings for eyebrows.

A man was crossing the street today with such long eyebrows that they literally blew in the wind. I've long been disturbed by such hefty eyebrows and refuse to allow my own face to be overcome with old man eyebrows.

The Internet is for Weblogs (even if they're dull)

Saw Avenue Q
Which is riotously fun,
Though not for the kids.

It was insanely funny and brilliantly staged. I'm not sure I want to watch it with my parents, but I laughed out loud more than once. Thanks to the giver of such an enjoyable birthday gift!

Jumble

Car troubles coupled
With a mysterious bite
Sum up my today.

Yeesh. The car troubles will be dealt with soon, hopefully, and some Benadryl took care of the bite. End of story.

Full Stop

An aborted show
Is bound to happen if just
Two people arrive.

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The show had a very small audience booked but the powers that be decided to go ahead. Well, that didn't happen in the end. First time in ten years that I've been there...

Fringed

I have heard it said
That two out of three ain't bad.
It's quite the reverse.

I went to see three shows at the Hamilton Fringe Festival today and two out of three were bad. That third one was very good, though, so it made up for the others. I wish I were able to see more, because I've heard good things about several of the other shows, and I, of course, encourage everyone to support the fringe! As I've been told several times by someone who reads this, "You pays your money and you takes your chances," (he usually has much better grammar than that, by the way), but you can stumble upon some pretty interesting and decent stuff at the fringe at times.

Knightwear

The Dark Knight tonight.
I miss the batsuit that had
Fewer bits and seams.

Am I the only one who longs for a simpler "look" to his costume?


As an update to yesterday's post, the hair gel did work quite well, but the odd little gel paper had its drawbacks. When wetting the paper and obediently rubbing my hands together, the result was some nice gel and then a sort of thick gummy stuff where the paper had been sitting. That thicker bit was surprisingly difficult to wash away, might I add. I'm sure it's all about finding the balance between not enough water (my situation this morning) and too much.

But the question remains: Do we REALLY need our gel (or our shampoo or our soap) to come in little two-inch sheets? I doubt it.

Slick

A curious find:
Hair gel that comes as "paper".
Doesn't sound so smart...

You know those little breath strip things? That's sort of what these hair gel "papers" are like. There are also shampoo papers and soap papers. I couldn't resist buying the hair gel ones out of curiosity. The thing is, the moment a drop of water gets in the packet, you know the whole lot will be ruined. That's why the soap and shampoo ones seem PARTICULARLY idiotic. You know I'm going to use it, too, to see how it all goes. I'll try to remember to let you know how it goes.

Whatever Floats Your Boat

A day at The Ex
With three lovely Grundy girls;
Quite the adventure.

Not to Worry!

I'll soon sell tonic,
And a certain friend of mine
Will be Mrs L.

Congratulations, Sonya! I'm thrilled that I'll be playing Toby and that I'll get to do my first show with you and you'll be playing such a smashing part, to boot! Let the fun begin!

(Of course, Sonya's stalking of me is about to get WAY easier...)

Forgetful Jones(es)

It seems to be fate
That Sonya never receive
Any of her things.

Between the two of us, we can't seem to remember to return her things to her home. I think it's destiny telling me to keep them. Of course, I know she can't live without the book...

Impulse Buy

For no good reason
I browsed under "Beck" today.
Bought his new CD.

I didn't know he had a new CD, and had no real reason for looking under his name at the HMV. Glad I did, though!

Wordy

One more day is left
To try and learn some lyrics
So I don't look dumb.

Yeesh. Here's hoping.

Reel Deal

Hacked back the jungle
Which my lawns were becoming.
Dutifully done.

But my heart's just not in it.

Crushed

A show with Sonya,
Enough smoke to choke a horse,
Equals quite a night.

And no, none of the smoke was produced by us.

Denial

On my first full day
Since returning from escape
I avoid all work.

Is that wrong?

The Return

The end of escape,
Home again, Jiggety-jig.
Still gotta read, though.

Seriously. I've GOT to catch up on my reading. I put a small dent in my to-read list, but there's more than enough to keep me going.

Pokey

On a day of rain
Tiny travelers appear
With spiral backpacks

The snails were out today on the patio stones outside. I had to step carefully to avoid crushing the little fellows every time I stepped off the porch.

Seagull 2

A code in the sand
By a seagull with one foot
All dots and dashes.

The poor little fellow had only one foot. That, along with its other leg, ending in a tiny stump, left a series of dots and dashes in its wake as the bird walked through the sand.

Seagull 1

Resourceful seagull
Perched on an island of sand
Keeping his feet dry.

Cheesy Discovery

O, sweet Boursin cheese,
With your garlic and fine herbs,
You fill me with joy.

Ankle Biters

Stupid little bugs
Nipping my ankles and feet
Like water torture.

I’ve never experienced them at the beach before, but sweet mother they got on my nerves!

[Update: I never encountered them again.]

Putting in Time

Visiting parents
Cut into my reading time
But they were welcome.

So, I didn’t read as much today as I would have normally liked. Still, we had a good visit, popped out for a bite to eat, and had a right good catch-up.

International X

Japanese Mulder
And Italian Scully
Are great fun to watch.

I’ll come clean, even if it makes me a geek: I love The X-Files. I own all nine seasons on DVD and have started watching them all from Season One. Among the special features are international clips. That’s right. One can watch selected scenes as dubbed for international audiences. I’m not sure that logically I should find it as amusing and enjoyable as I do, but I simply do. It’s always interesting to see what kind of voice the characters end up with. The Japanese Mulder is surprisingly tough-sounding while Japanese Scully has a more similar tone to Gillian Anderson’s voice (well, within reason, I suppose). But the German Scully? Smoky and sexy. Haha!

Not Hernando's

This time tomorrow
I'll be hidden from the world
On my hermitage.

I'm off to hide away from society (apart from when my parents visit, and even then it's debatable -- ha!) up on Lake Huron. I'll be sure to write a haiku every day and post it upon my return to the world of signals.

Tipsy

In public places,
Drunk people should understand
It's not about them.

Well, it maybe all about them to THEM, but not to the rest of us.

She's Got Legs!

I have an odd gift
For my artist friend, Keltie:
Exoskeleton.

I'll be sure to take good care of it until it's in your hands!

Trippin' Out

Another road trip:
Four hours drive each way to see
A friend in Les Mis.

Sap Season

Extreme Makeover
America's Got Talent:
That's what it is now.

I was watching it tonight (shut up, there was nothing on and I was avoiding work, so I had it on while I wrote dullgloomy and this), and they've started doing the "Extreme Makeover" sob-story game every few minutes, complete with sappy music ("Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this..." Blah, blah, blah...). Yeesh. Slap the people on stage, let them do their thing, bang the gong (oh, if only there were a gong), and send them on their way. Short, sweet, and simple. That's my recommendation.

The Sit-In

A funky new chair
Has taken up residence
In my living room.

Captive Audience

Tonight, an event:
First Official Gathering
After just three years.

Seriously. It's taken this long to have a proper get-together with more than just one or two people. Thanks to those who joined in, who complimented my stellar housekeeping (today), and who brought all kinds of tasty things to eat. The place isn't so very big, so I'll have to cycle a few others through at some point so I seem all hospitable. Ha!

Deer, Dear...

Why is it "Stagette"
When there is no female stag?
We know it's a doe.

Maybe the female version of a stag party should be a doe party? Hmmm. Work on that, would you all?

The Dangers of the Hrududu

When crossing the road
Be careful, little possum.
It may not end well.

On the way home from work tonight, I nearly killed a possum (or perhaps an opossum). Thankfully it managed to stay between my wheels (miraculously) and with not a bump wandered off the road afterwards. Yeesh. I dread the day I hit something and kill it.

One Way Or Another, I'm Gonna Find You...

One way streets, once more,
Have proven themselves to be
More pain than they're worth.

But fear not; in the end it all worked out.

Ruthless[ish]

The first box has gone
To the Value Village store;
A packrat trying.

It's tough to learn to chuck stuff! I also came across all sorts of fun nostalgia-related stuff, like things from shows I was in some time back. Those (and many other things) can be filed away, but I'm certainly working to be better at recycling, disposing, and donating.

Dig Dug

A day spent plunging
Into the fright'ning regions
Of The Digger Room.

If you know my house well, you know about The Digger Room. It's the back spare bedroom that has become a scary little storage space for ... well ... practically everything. It's a bit spooky how long it's been since some of that stuff was opened. (Of course, the basement is still worse.) The goal is to get that room organized enough to move some of the books and things onto the shelves in there from the office that is in a complete state of chaos since cleaning other rooms requires that the office-worthy stuff get dumped in there until it can get organized, too. The office simply cannot hold everything that would logically go in there, so things will be split between the two.

You Can Run ...

Tonight's scary film
Was good old Suspiria;
Silliness abounds.

Betsy and I have been putting in our ridiculous/scary movie time dutifully (last year it was the Sleepaway Camp series), and tonight's selection, Suspiria, is touted as a classic horror and, according to the quotation from Entertainment Weekly on the DVD cover, "One of the scariest movies of all time." It's such nonsense (as expected from Dario Argento), with a thin plot, absurd acting (coupled with poor dubbing of voices), and lots of attempts at "arthouse" direction and cinematography. Don't get me wrong, we enjoyed its silliness, though the score (by some band named Goblin and the director) has so much breathing and voice work that it's hard to tell what the characters are hearing (sound effects) compared with what we, the audience members, are hearing (score). Odd with some nice little moments here and there. (And the lightest and brightest blood ever.)

(I'm on a parenthetical kick tonight.)

Returning

The end of the trip --
Scuzzy hotel and ghost towns --
Finds me back at home.

Industrial Grandiose

A dubious claim
To be "Manufacturers"
Of crushed rock, I think.

Can you really be manufacturers of crushed rock? Isn't that just finding something and breaking it? Could I be a "manufacturer" of spaghetti bits if I just stomp on the box every now and then?

This was also backdated because I wasn't home yet.

Vacation Destination?

Intercourse Village
Sounds like a fun place to go
With VERY close friends.

Ha! Can you believe there’s actually a place called the Village of Intercourse in Pennsylvania? It’s even better that the town’s slogan is “Slow Down the Hurry!” Interesting that they replaced its old name, Cross Keys. The wee pamphlet gives three possible, but unconfirmed reasons for the name, all of which avoid the obvious. It also points out that the movie Witness was filmed there.

This was backdated to the time that I actually wrote it, but had no internet where I was. (See dullgloomy if you want to know what was up...)

Artistic Circle

Painting is scary.
So here is my solution:
Let the artist paint.

Today a few of us met at a full-time professional artist friend's house to do some painting with him. He got very ... um ... excited about the painting he was working on with me, and so he ended up did a lot of the work. Works for me. Best way to get an original by him on the cheap. He kept joking about what a great job I was doing and how I might start getting commissions because of it. Ha! Still, I learned a lot by working with him and watching him develop the painting. One of my big hurdles is my colour-blindness, which has traditionally made me stay far, far away from anything even remotely realistic in art. I've generally worked with more forgiving styles.

Cop Walk

Parking enforcer,
Is this what you imagined
Police work would be?

Whoops, There Goes Another Rubber...

Between yellow lines
A discarded condom lies;
Its story untold.

And the story can remain untold as far as I'm concerned! The sight of a condom in a parking lot is unwelcome at best. What, were people doing it in the back of a mini van down by the recycling bins? In the recycling bins themselves? Just smack out on the pavement? Yeesh! Scary on all counts.

The Wanderers

In a parking lot,
Please don't walk up the middle
Of an aisle like snails.

It drives me nuts! Tonight it was an oblivious young couple who strolled slowly up the centre of the parking lot aisle while we tried to get to a space. I'm not sure they ever realized we were there, despite the sound of the engine, the lights from my headlamps, and the pulsating vibes coming from our car.

How does one spell "Schweddy/Schwety"?

The Stampede has shown
That commentators can be
More boring than paste.

I saw about five minutes of the Calgary Stampede while flipping channels tonight and realized that the commentators they had on were remarkably low in energy and oomph. Remember that SNL sketch, The Delicious Dish, that was supposed to be a food show on NPR? You know, the one with Alec Baldwin? The Delicious Dish folk were energized compared with the Stampede guys.

Do a Youtube search, if you like, and enjoy The Delicious Dish all over again.

Will Power

Successful Restraint:
On a visit to Costco,
I only bought cheese.

Seriously. Not even a single DVD.

The Very Bad Deceased

To top off today,
Evil Dead: The Musical.
Ridiculous fun.

Demon-zombies. A singing moose head. A chainsaw. Lots of fake blood. Ah, an evening at the theatre!

Talk on Corners

Perhaps your front porch
Is not the best location
For prison term talk.

While walking to the mailbox today, I overheard some guys talking on their porch. Talking in tones loud enough to be heard clearly from across the road. And about what were they talking? Well, let me tell you! One guy says, "Seriously, man! I could go to prison for, like, two years. Two &^@#!*% years of my life!" Needless to say, I just didn't want to know.

Old Yelper

Watching scary films
With my friend Jasmine is fun
She makes goofy sounds.

Hot Shots

Today was a day
In which too much time was spent
Sweating profusely.

I went into work and it was awful. Thank goodness for air conditioning at home.

Kitchen Nightmare/Kitchen Dream

Cleaning the kitchen
Was a job needing doing
And it's finished now.

The kitchen got its big old overhaul today. A huge part of it was just dealing with work-related things which had ended up being stored in the room. Yes, the rest of the place needs organizing, but one room down is still an accomplishment. Ha!

Wonderlanding

A Wonderland Day
Spent with three lovely ladies
Was well worth the trip.

Fun!

Saturday's Nutshell

My day was jam-packed
With propane tanks, music,
Friends, and barbecue.

But not in that order.

Going Postal

There's a new woman
Working at the post office.
She is delightful.

Seriously. She was the most charming and lovely post office clerk you can imagine. And I have lots of things to mail, so I'm plenty happy to meet her.

Big Wheel Keep on Turning

Unusual sight,
Seeing a neighbourhood kid
On unicycle.

But that's exactly what I did see. He seemed to be about 11 or 12 and was just riding a unicycle down the road. Go figure.

Illusion

In the living room,
I started organizing.
You really can't tell.

Canada Day in a Nutshell

Dennis and June and
Diving birds and fireworks made
My Canada Day.

Yep. That about sums it up! A good time was had by all. Well, by me, anyway, and hopefully by all!

Star Wars

Friendly, persistent,
Funny telemarketer:
I don't want to buy.

I had a telemarketing call from Colin,trying to sell me The Toronto Star. I must admit that I couldn't help but be amused by him even as I worked desperately to end the conversation.

Wanted

Saw Wanted tonight.
I liked it well enough but
I didn't love it.

It was alright. I'm not panning it by any means, but I won't be too worried about adding it to my collection either. I saw it. I'm glad I saw it. The end.

The Wedding Date

Jennie and Jamie,
Congratulations are due
On your wedding day.

Chocolat

I'm sure some would say
That chocolate covered raisins
Don't a breakfast make.

Yet that's what I had. How sad. Of course, it was about 10 in the morning, so ... Maybe they were "brunch".

Traffic

A smashing ev'ning,
Was marred by only one thing:
Lengthy traffic jam.

I was off to Commingle Too for an evening of music and art.

Good things about the evening:

Hanging out with Sonya and Keltie and Andrew.

Finally meeting May and Dan.

The music and art (including a fantastic piece by Keltie which I now own, thanks to Sonya! Woot! Thanks!).

The not-so-good-part was, as mentioned above, the nearly two-hour traffic jam I encountered on the way home. Yack. It was a bit ridiculous. Because of that, this is very much back-timed to make it fit the right day.

Road Trip

On my way to work
I encountered Scooter Chicks
Moving in a pack.

And a neatly colour-coordinated pack, might I add.

The Coca-Cola Kid

Funny Drive-Thru Girl,
You were so mortified when
My pop exploded.

The poor girl looked like she was going to die when my pop exploded all over my hand and arm. Apparently the lid wasn't on properly. She dutifully supplied me with napkins and a few wet-naps, complete with several apologies, but I was just generally amused. Poor gal.

The Neverending Story

I am an addict
As evidenced by my trip
To Chapters bookstore.

I went for one book. For a gift, actually. I left with ... well ... significantly more than that one book. Curse that bargain book section!

Stay Tuned

So little TV
Is making it hard for me
To procrastinate.

They've got to get some good television going or I'm going to have to really work, and nobody likes that. Thank goodness for television on DVD.

The Big Sleep

Yet another day
In which I did some stuff but
Nothing noteworthy.

Really. The highlight of the day was a nap. Or maybe a telephone chat. Not the paperwork I did. Not the sitting on the couch while avoiding the paperwork for a while. That's about it.

The Telephone

6:15 a.m.
And the phone rang at my house.
Surprise! Wrong number.

Who calls at 6:15 in the morning?!? Sure, I was already awake and getting ready to go to work, but I shouldn't be talking to anyone! It's the crazy-early morning!

The Remains of the Day

Stopped by a stranger
And asked the day of the week
Was unexpected.

There's nothing like, "Excuse me. What day of the week is this?" in the morning.

Gidget

Served at the Subway
By a guy named Moondoggie
(At least, in my mind).

He was so funny. Everything he said had that sort of "Hey, man, groovy," quality to it. The Subways around here have far too many odd little ducks working...

Indiana Jones and the Etc.

The latest Indy
Is a cheesy, fun romp flick
Like those before it.

I'd heard some pretty negative stuff about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but quite frankly, I thought it was fun. One doesn't really go to these movies for depth of character or story. I think some people have, in their nostalgia, made the previous three movies out to be something more than they are. They're goofy fun that requires a whole lot of suspension of disbelief. Just go and enjoy the nonsense, people.

Northern Lights

It's unfortunate
Durham County nearly done;
Surprisingly good.

If you haven't been wathing it, you should have been. It doesn't even seem like a Canadian drama. Slick production values aside, the writing's strong and just complex enough to keep the grey areas intriguing. One episode to go...

Show Business

Theatre and friends
(And theatre friends, to boot)
Make for a good day.

I went to see Rocket and the Queen of Dreams and Black Watch at the Luminato Festival in Toronto today, also spending time with Linda and Monica. I also sat two seats down from Joni Mitchell for a bit, and she offered to smack my backside. Seriously! How great is that for a day? (I do apologize to Sonya for inadvertently standing her up ... I am truly sorry! I'll make it up to you with Wonderland and Indy!)

The Pagemaster

Due to compulsion
I should not be permitted
Near book stores or sales.

Today, while buying books as gifts, I couldn't help but buy a few for myself, too. It's not like I have shelves and shelves of books already, including ... well ... several shelves' worth on the "to read" list. Oh well. At least I'm not addicted to crack, right?

Shut Up and Sing (or just shut up)

A button should be
Attached the back of folk
Who need a kill switch.

Ever notice how some people have a few drinks and then think you want to carry on lengthy conversations with them, believing themselves to be riotously witty when, in reality, they are just blathering twits? Yeah. Met a few of them at work tonight.

The Great Question

"Can I help who's next?"
Is unnecessary when
There's only one guy.

Thank you, Subway counter girl, for asking a ridiculous question when there's only one person in line. Ah. Subway. You've provided so much fodder in the past.

Timecop

Paperwork took me
Well past midnight, so please do
Excuse the back-date.

It's just popping back a little more than an hour. That's not so bad, is it? I'll finish my paperwork in the morning.

Before Sunrise

Which will get me first?
The sinus infection or
The early mornings?

Well, at least I have antibiotics for the sinus infection. The mornings? Yeah, they're going to go another six weeks or so... Blech.

Speaking of early mornings, how thrilled was I to arrive at work this morning at 6:30 (SIX-TWENTY, PEOPLE!) to prepare for something that didn't end up taking place? Not very. Life will go on. At least it's done for tomorrow.

Home Alone

Little blue pen cap
Sitting on the table there,
Do you miss your pen?

Ah, the age old story of a pen cap and its pen.

Twister

Even tornadoes
Could not save me from the threat
Of my paperwork.

Godzilla

I'm waging a war
Against the silver lace vine
Which I won't win soon.

Whoever thought it would be lovely to have this cursed thing planted in not one, but TWO places on my property should be shot. Oh, sure, at first glance it seems like a lovely ornamental vine, but it's so agressive that this lanscaper refers to is as Godzilla. I'm now in full hackback mode and it's still taking over. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Maybe I can work on eradicating it this year and then deal with the horrible state of my lawn next year...

Out of Season

Winter hung on long.
Now Summer seems to be here.
What happened to Spring?

No, seriously. What was that? Two weeks of Spring?

Very Bad Things

Swamped in paperwork
And sick as a dog, to boot.
Cruel double-whammy.

Poop.

My Left Foot (and my Right One, too)

It's time I confessed:
I don't know if these socks are
Blue-and-grey or grey.

Seriously. I've had them (and a few other pairs just like them) for quite some time and I still don't know if they're two shades of grey or grey and blue. Thank goodness for shoes.

The Big Sleep

Another day home.
One can only sleep so much
Before brain says, "No."

I did get some laundry and paperwork done, but apart from that it was sleeping, lots of fluids, and general lethargy. I'm feeling a bit better and will be back to work regardless tomorrow because there's just too much to get done.

Gross Anatomy

Illness drove me to
An afternoon home from work
Feeling like a dog.

As I said earlier today, I can't really complain as I'm not often overly sick, compared with many. Hopefully some rest will do me good and I can get back to the craziness of my life.

Indiana Jones and the Last Doom

Even allergies
Couldn't prevent our fun with
Indy-Fest, Part Two.

Sonya and I enjoyed the second part of our Indy-Fest project, watching not one, but two of the movies. (Yikes. Temple of Doom is not so very good, is it?) At some point we'll see the new one regardless of what people say. In the meantime, though, I'm in paperwork up to my neck. Yack.

Black

Stratford's Cabaret
Was quite a disappointment,
All icing, no cake.

Those who know me well know that Cabaret is near and dear to my heart for many reasons. It was unfortunate, then, that this production missed the boat on a great many counts. It spent all of its time trying so hard to be clever -- and even worse, trying to TELL us how clever it was -- that the impact of the story was sacrificed. The whole thing played out with such emphasis on technical gimmickery and "big dance numbers" that the the audience was kept at an arm's length from the characters themselves. A series of missed opportunities ran into another series of missed opportunities; the director seemed to throw things in just for the sake of it -- seemingly "setting rules" for the world she created -- and then threw them out the window just as randomly. And the Emcee? Just a non-entity. Wandered through the show without power over anything, least of all the audience. I'm not saying it's the actor's fault (though I think he was miscast, in any case) since the director didn't seem to want to give his character any focus, any teeth, regardless.

Shadow

The end is in sight,
The writing is on the wall;
I'll soon lose Martha.

Martha's been showing signs of weakness and difficulty quite a bit lately. Gets run down very easily. Drops things without warning. Spotty vision. Which is sad, but not as sad as one might think. Martha's one of my phones (the other is George) and she hasn't been right for some time. I can see that her days are numbered and I'm going to have to have her replaced. So sad. So sad.

Maroon

Tiny rooibos leaves
Drift downward in slow motion;
Suspended beauty.

I noticed how cool and lovely my steeping tea was today in my Tea Master from Teaopia. It completely beats any lava lamp. It also reminded me of American Beauty and the blowing bag scene, to which I could completely relate.

Yellow

Seussical, Jr.
Performed by a happy bunch
Is a joyful thing.

Such fun to watch while a whack of kids put on the show, having a blast doing it. They were great, they were clearly having a great time, and were very much dedicated to the theatre of it Yay, Brenda! Fun!

Atomic Tangerine

A&E felt that
Graphic violence could stay in
But bleeped coarse language.

I was watching A&E's The Andromeda Strain mini-series tonight and found it very odd that, as an A&E co-production, they were fine making the mini-series with some coarse language, but that they weren't fine with showing it without bleeping it. (Okay, it technically wasn't bleeped, it was blanked.) Furthermore, they blanked quite mild language common on network TV. Don't worry, though. Unpleasant scenes of violence (prehaps most notably, a suicide by chainsaw) was apparently permissable.

In the end, I'm undecided about this remake. A lot of updating and story expansion going on. I do have an affinity for the old movie that won't leave because of a hot new version. In any case, I preferred the book to either. (Surprise.) I remember reading it in a single day years ago while at a cottage with the family.

Edited to add: Oh, I forgot to mention that they stopped bleeping/blanking in Part II. Funny.

Green

During a phone call
My dad became excited
Thinking this was me.

Seriously. Mid-conversation (well, really it was a monologue starring him), he suddenly said, "Were you just on TV?" and then realized that, no, it was quite unlikely that I was starring in a big budget movie about the Incredible Hulk.

Okay. I guess I should visit more often.

Wild Watermelon

Mid-afternoon naps
Produce dreams elusive and
Bizarre by nature.

Spring Green

Is it really true?
Has Spring finally arrived
With weather to match?

Seriously. This had better be the start of a long stretch of good weather.

Laser Lemon

I'm glad I could help
Sonya in her hour of need
On a Friday night.

It's not like I did anything else productive.

Carnation Pink

Sweet Turkish Delight
Why have I come to love you
All over again?

Seriously. I'm having a serious resurgence of Turkish Delight love. Sweet jelly goodness!

And yes, Sonya, I will certainly keep my eyes peeled for The White Witch.

Antique Brass

David Cook's mother,
What are you doing sneaking
Into his spotlight?

So I don't particularly care for David Cook, but betwixt the two of them, I suppose I'm glad he won. Why, oh why are the winners' chosen songs so freaking schmaltzy and sappy? They're always these big, "Oh, my dream has finally come true," songs. Hey, here's an idea. They could just sing a song that's good and stands on its own.

In any case, Sonya will be glad the season's over so she doesn't have to read any more updates here.

Of course, So You Think You Can Dance starts tomorrow, and thanks to Melanie, I have come to enjoy it, too. Yeesh. I guess it will help fill the void formed as every show on North American television holds its season finale this week.

Brick Red

Back from a good walk
All I want to do is eat.
Counter-productive.

Oh well. To cave to my snacking cravings or not to cave? Hmmm.

Sonya will at least be relieved that I didn't write about how disappointing the "War of the Davids" was on the penultimate Idol of the season. Yack. Not impressed, people.

Edited to add:

DARN! I should have thought to write an haiku about how horrible Usher was at lipsynching on Dancing With the Stars which I didn't actually watch, but which came on "already in progress" after American Idol.

Granny Smith Apple

Apple with Skor bits
And caramel might just be
Why I'm gaining weight.

But it does taste good. Notice that I'm pretending all of my other poor eating habits have nothing to do with it.

Cotton Candy

A haphazzard day
Of merry mix-ups spent with
Shoshana Gunday.

Despite numerous changes to original plans, a good time was had in the presence of the soon-to-be-dubbed "Shoshana Gunday" (whose name, if I knew how to put accents in this text, would be spelled "Gunde" instead). We put in an appearance at Canada's Wonderland, went to see Prince Caspian, and enjoyed a tasty meal. Aahhh. Good times. Thanks, S.G.!

Sunglow

Early One Morning
As performed by Melissa
Is a sweet, sweet thing.

White

How sad to admit
I have nothing to report
Worth even three lines.

Hmmm. Sorry.

Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown

Yes, Jack Astor's girl,
I do know you from somewhere,
Though I don't know where.

Tonight while enjoying a meal, a waitress (though not our waitress) came up and asked me where she knew me from. She, in turn, seemed very familiar to me, also. Try as we might, we couldn't figure out from where we would know one another. Neither of us felt it was from the Jack Astor's. Who knows?

Sunglow

David Archuletta,
6:15 AM, we know,
Is in the morning.

"It's 6:15 AM in the morning," says little boy David on tonight's episode of American Idol. Thank you, David. Thanks for clearing that up.

As for the episode as a whole, no surprises there. As much as I would have loved to see some surprising twist have one of the Davids voted off and to watch the jaws drop, it just wasn't likely to happen. Both Davids sing well, but I don't really take to either of them. Which is unfortunate, because I really think wee David is probably a genuinely nice kid, even if his dad is as overbearing as rumour has it. (Incidentally, do you think his father's bald under those caps?)

And Simon's face during Fantasia's performance? Hilarious. (I love Fantasia and think she's massively talented, even though the style of music she's performing these days doesn't necessarily rock my proverbial boat.)

Tumbleweed

Agressive cashier,
Be gentle with my melon;
Abuse not my buns.

I stopped in for some groceries on the way home from work. (Haul yourself up off the floor and read on.) The cashier was surprisingly violent with ... well ... every single item she passed over her scanner. I'm convinced that she deliberately upturned, tipped over, and otherwise flung every last tub, box, and package on its way past. Relax! Don't take it out on the produce!

Tropical Rain Forest

Does nobody think
That Jeff Probst's Survivor script
Could use rewriting?

Seriously? So much of it is verbatim from week to week, from season to season. You'd think someone would say, "Let's let him say this in a slightly different way this year."

Carnation Pink

To all the females
Who have brought life from their loins
Happy Mothers' Day!

Razzmatazz

Watching Speed Racer
Sitting still at the Drive-In
Seems incongruous.

Silly and energetic and enjoyable.

Unmellow Yellow

Explain it to me:
After the day's exhaustion
I'm now wide awake.

Isn't that always the way it works? Suddenly I come to life late at night.

Sky Blue

Bitter cold morning
Makes way in the afternoon
For the sun to shine.

Having spent pretty much the entire day outside, the gradual transition from ridiculously cold weather before lunch to the springtime sunshine of the afternoon was of great personal significance. Thank goodness it warmed up.

Gray

The grey sky falling
In speckles and dots and spots
Taps rhythms on stone.

That's right. It's raining and I love it.

(And yes, I know the title's spelling is American.)

Sunset Orange

Sunset on the porch
Spent with Dennis and with June
Plus tea and cheesecake.

Ahhh. The first porch-sitting visit of the season. So enjoyable.

Blush

Lying on your back,
Point your butt the other way
Stretching for your run.

When I came out of Subway with my supper (don't judge me), a guy at the running store was preparing for his run. Unfortunately, he was making a spectacle of himself in crazy circus-yoga positions with his posterior end pointed out in public. POINT IT AT THE WALL, MOONDOGGY! None of us want to see it!

Tickle Me Pink

I'm a bit taken
With a little girl, Pucca,
And her ninja friends.

Have you ever seen Pucca? I bought the DVD (Ninjas Love Noodles) based on a whim and a poorly translated gift bag. Far too amusing and delightful for words. And the TV show's made in Canada!

Dandelion

I spent far too long
Outside in the drizzling rain
Popping yellow weeds.

It's not that I care that much about the dandelion content of my lawn. I certainly lose no sleep over it. The neighbours are a bit uptight, though, so I figure they may hate me a little less if I make some attempt to reduce the dandelion content of my yard. Yippee.

Wild Blue Yonder

As if to spite me,
McDonald's discontinued
My dear Big Xtra.

Sigh.

Pacific Blue

A little bit late
The April showers have come
On the First of May.

I'd just been saying the other day how our spring has not been very rainy, and lo and behold the showers have arrived promptly at the first of the month. Those who know me, of course, know that I love a good rainy day. I only wish it were warm enough to sit out on the porch with a book while it rains just beyond the railing.

Another One Bites the Dust

A tearful goodbye
Sends Brooke on her merry way.
And then there were four.

The problem with American Idol at this point is that I'm not that interested in any of the contestants who are left. The ones who sing the best each week have less-than-sparkling personalities and the ones whom I am more likely to enjoy as people at a picnic are not consistent vocally. I figure one of the Davids will likely win, but I won't be buying either of their CDs.

Stone Cold Crazy

This wintry reprise
Has got me wishing for spring
Weather once again.

After a lingering winter, it just seems cruel to have a resurgence of cool weather. Alas and alack, there's nothing to be done about it but to be patient.

Wilderness

Oh, you silly goose,
Tempting fate by hanging out
At the KFC.

There was a goose hanging about the parking lot of the KFC in town here, causing cars to honk and drive slowly for fear of hurting it. Silly thing. When you're big, plump bird, I'd think the place you'd least want to be would be anywhere known for fried birds.

Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon

Turning a blind eye
To the chaos around me,
I choose to kick back.

Keep Yourself Alive

Undeniable,
The sea of take-out bags here
Says, "Buy groceries."

Hopefully life will slow down just a little so I can get back on track with some things, such as eating somewhat reasonable meals now and then. And cleaning the house. And sleeping regular hours.

Blurred Vision

Workshops and a show
Are how I spent this Friday,
Fighting off fatigue.

Killer Queen

The curtain came down
(Proverbially speaking)
On another show.

The kids were great and I am totally proud of them. So darn cute and enjoyable!

I'm in Love With My Car

Generous Sonya
Has volunteered to do it:
Deal with my car tires.

Thankfully she's here with work and so we've swapped cars so that the fall-out of the flat tire from ... oh ... ages ago could be dealt with. Thanks once again, Sonya!

The Show Must Go On

Technical nightmares
Could not counteract the fun
Of great young actors.

It was opening night and, although we had some unpleasant technical problems, the kids were a hoot.

I left my laptop at the theatre, so I had to input the haiku and backdate it.

I'm Going Slightly Mad

"Ups-and-Downs" plagued day
Has drawn to a hopeful close.
I have not lost hope.

Pray for my little show. And for my sanity.

Who Wants to Live Forever

Long day exhaustion
Will make me dead to the world
Just moments from now.


Sleeping, that is.

I Want to Break Free

Today a toddler
Would not give my arm back, 'cause
She was "very strong".

Heehee.

The Night Comes Down

After a long night
Spent on a ladder's top rungs,
I returned to earth.

(Actually written at 1:33 AM.)

I'm Going Slightly Mad

In a week, it's done,
But until then, my brain
Is on overload.

It was funny last night when Sonya said, "I guess I'm going to have to speak in full sentences until this is over," and then today I had a smilar situation, saying to someone, "You're going to have to give me context for what you're talking about for a while." Still, in a week, it's over and all will be well... Somewhat. Ha!

Friends Will Be Friends

A little B.S.
Can be quite useful at times.
(Thanks Betsy, Sonya!)

Two fine friends came out and helped me hang the backdrop (which looks mighty grand, in my humble opinion) for the show. Woohoo! Much appreciated!

It's Late

I noticed last night
That I still have Christmas stuff
Hiding in plain sight.

Surely I'm not the only one who packs things away, only to realize that some things have gone unnoticed, having reached a level of anonymity in which one no longer sees them at all.

Hammer to Fall

Under construction:
The set is now being built.
There's no turning back.

Yikes.

These Are the Days of Our Lives

Tonight it returned:
Desperate Housewives at long last.
It's been too long, wives!

I'm not ashamed to admit that I enjoy this ridiculous show. The fact that there's been so little to watch on television for the past four months or whatever made my anticipation of its return inordinately great, though.

Good Company

Spent quality time
With Sonya watching Disney
While she text-messaged.

A good time was had by all.

Seaside Rendezvous

Sweeney's "By the Sea"
Is insanely brilliant fun;
Distinctly Burton.

Tim Burton has a direct line to my humourous sensibilities, sometimes. (And since Sonya likes getting references here, I remember she and I laughing aloud during that scene at the cinema.)

Play the Game

Why have all game shows
Selected obnoxious twits
As their contestants?

Seriously. I don't often watch game shows, but occasionally settle on them for a few minutes while flipping. They're wrought with irritating, attention-seeking blowhards. Oh, for the days of The Match Game when it was the celebrity panelists who were intensely hopped up on caffiene while the contestants were pleasantly quiet "everypeople" by comparison.

Flash

Thanks to my left eye,
I'm officially a spaz.
A flicker of flesh.

I've been having muscle spasms in my face for almost a week now. I'm sure there's a creepy explanation for it, like stress or head trauma or homicidal tendencies.

For more information about my spazzy ways, revisit this post on dullgloomy.

You're My Best Friend

Is Patrick Dempsey
The new Julia Roberts
in Made of Honor?

Come on. This is serious My Best Friend's Weddine territory, is it not? Is everyone just ignoring that? Now, admittedly, I haven't seen it, but by all indications....

Was It All Worth It

To think that a cow
Needlessly gave you for me,
O burst bag of milk.

Yes, I opened my bag of milk only to have it spill out upon the floor due to a tiny pinhole in one bag. So sad, so sad, so sad.

It's a Hard Life

Escaped to England
At Nicholas Nickleby
Along with Sonya.

A great day was spent at a great show and followed by socialization over Thai food. The waiter provided some entertainment value, too, as he was entirely inattentive and, in Sonya's words, a little task driven. He actually came to our table, leaned over it to take an empty tea light from the candle holder, later returned and replaced it with a new one, then lit it, all the while completely ignoring the pile of dishes with which we were clearly finished. Then, to top it all off, we were given a delightful tamarind candy. Oh wait. It seems I said "delightful" when I meant, "not at all pleasing to the palette".

Let Me Entertain You

Frat boy audience
Thought they were hilarious.
They were mistaken.

At tonight's show, it was predominantly twenty-something guys who believed that everything that came out of their mouths was hilarious. Even if it was the hundredth time they were saying it. Ah well. They weren't jerks or anything, just loud and tiresome. I suppose being inebriated helped them believe they were witty. Ha!

Drowse

It's hard to deny:
The signs say I'm getting old,
Home tired on Friday.

I came home from work and was pretty much forced to take an hour's nap before I could even think of doing anything. Then I was watching a movie and still thinking, "I should take a nap!" Even though I didn't, I've revived a bit now and will go out to socialize and grab a bite to eat in a little while.

Yeah. The exhaustion, coupled with the grey in my hair and in my beard, really are giving away my agedness. Hahaha!

Death on Two Legs

Received as a gift
My copy of Sweeney Todd,
Murderously good.

Thanks, Jas!

Save Me

Today confirmed it:
These sixty-kid rehearsals
Will likely kill me.

Picture it:

A room with 60 kids. 30 or so of them actually being blocked into the scene. Yikes. It's going to be a long short road to opening night. It'll all be fine... It'll all be fine... It'll all be fine...

'39

Go outside and yell,
"Auntie Em! Oh, Auntie Em!"
'Cause it's darn windy!

Seriously, it's crazy out there today! I'm sure I looked very dramatic pumping gas while my jacket whipped maniacally around me but without an audience, who cared? I half-expected an airborn cow to go by.

Sprung?

Spring is in the air!
Is winter at last behind?
Bring on the sunshine!

With apologies to Misster Kitty, I'm so very done with winter. I'm more than ready for the weather in which one can sit outside and read.

Dream Takes Flight

It was a strange dream:
Flying, my hands in a box,
Hitting birds for fuel.

The details are fading in the hours since the morning, but basically, following some beginning involving a huge sand pit, we -- myself and a group of unknowns who were known in the context of the dream -- each had to put our fists in some sort of flying contraption which looked strikingly like a small box and which pulled us rapidly through the air. Yes, they were flying vehicles of some sort. The biggest curiosity was that hitting birds with them somehow provided the propulsion power for them. Ducks and geese mostly. I don't believe the birds were hurt (miraculously) but they did make a gentle "thud".

Ebbing the Flow

As of April first,
I must commit myself to
A stricter budget.

Yes, it's time to buckle down, pull myself up by my boostraps, and deal with some debt. I've cleaned out the student loans at last (it only took nigh on eternity to do so) and now other debts are calling. Wish me luck. Or send cash. Whatever.

Burning the Candle

Typical these days:
I'm running behind again
And back-timing this.

I'm ridiculously run off my feet these days, and earlier, when I had the opportunity to write this and comment on something like annoying music which played while my hair was being cut or the fact that I believe the folks at Subway now make their sandwiches upside down, I instead took a long nap and then watched a movie. Hey, don't judge me. It starred Helena Bonham Carter.

A Case of Mistaken Identity?

I'm stuck in a rut?
The A&W girl
Doesn't even ask.

That's right. I've become one of those people who is so consistent and predictable that the girl at A&W doesn't even ask what I'd like any more. She sees me walk in, punches in the order, and we just talk about other things.

Like tonight she asked how I was doing and I said, "Sort of tired. It was a twelve-hour day at work," to which she inquired, "Are you still at That's Entertainment?"

"I've never worked there," quoth I.

She was a little thrown by that. And a little embarassed.

"All this time, I thought you were a guy from there. There's a guy there who looks just like you!"

I should go there more often and see if I have a doppelganger. Unless I am the doppelganger!

And I don't even go to A&W all that often!

Apology

It's been a long day.
I haven't the energy
To write a haiku.

Waitaminnit...








(Backdated an hour too...)

Got It?

I gladly admit
I love those little tidbits:
"Get a Load of Milk".

Seriously. I completely enjoy those little two second commercials. They amuse me. (Enjoy more random milk fun here).

Be Kind, Please Rewind. Please.

Mysteriously
Push my VCR's "Rewind"
And it turns it off.

True! It's been happening for a while now, having started inexplicably some time ago. In fact, it not only turns it off, but then, when you turn the power back on, it will eject the tape. All of this happens only after a timer recording. (And yes, I still have a VCR and use it from time to time). Fear not, good reader, for I believe I have now discovered the trick to avoiding the unpleasant and hazardous trek from couch to television to push the tape back in! Here's how it goes.

Step 1: Turn on the power.
Step 2: Press "Play".
Step 3: Press "Rewind".
Step 4: Press "Stop".
Step 5: Rewind as usual.

Technology mystifies me at times.

A New Record

In the studio
For a nine-hour session;
Eighteen tracks in all.

Thank goodness for the good nature and patience of the engineer. He really was smashing. There really should be a clock in that room, because we had no idea that it had been that long. A lot of tweaking went on along the way; when you're putting out that many things (with little practice, to boot) and working on a keyboard rather than a real piano, it's hard to be polished. Thanks, Matt the engineer and RAC!

Finally the Finale

It's now official:
Every piece has been written
For the musical.

The finale got its last five bars today. And just in time, might I add. Ha!

How to Get Wax Out of Velvet

A quick, easy fix:
Hot water poured from behind
Will solve the problem.

After almost two months, I finally had to deal with the spilled wax on my costume since I return to the show tomorrow.

Lie-In

I love to sleep in,
And will do so tomorrow.
Today? Shouldn't have.

I had one of those accidental sleep-in days today. Fear not, I made it to work on time (though not as early as I usually do) and certainly was forced into wakefulness right off the bat. No lollygagging about the house in the morning for me today!

Right on the Nose

A charming movie
Worthy of more attention
Is Penelope.

It was a surprisingly delightful movie. Very enjoyable! I think I love Christina Ricci just a little bit more with every odd and quirky little role she takes.

Pot Holy Cow!

On the road to work
New and deep pot-holes appeared.
Where are the insides?

These HUGE, DEEP, VEHICLE-ENDANGERING potholes have appeared and I'm forced to wonder where, exactly, the rather significant quantities of rock and asphalt have gotten to. One somehow snuck up on me today and I thought I was going to have to go back and pick up half the chassis of my car. Thankfully I did not. Yikes.

Nun's Sense

A good question asked:
How DO you solve a problem
Like my friend, Stacey?

A friend of mine (with whom I worked on JOSEPH and two ROCKYs) has made it to the top 50 for How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? I'm rooting for her, of course, and urge you to do the same if it gets to the voting stage!

Ahhh...

The paperwork blitz
Which has consumed me this week
Is now at an end.

That doesn't mean, of course, that there's still not plenty of paperwork to be done. It just means that ... well ... this batch is behind me. But it sure feels good! Whew!

Who Loves the Chocolate?

Cadbury's Creme Eggs
Should not be sold in dozens.
I lack will power.

Technically they come with eight creme eggs and four Caramilk eggs and it's quite a good deal. But it's so easy to eat them like mad. They're currently my big weakness, given that I'm trying to buy more fair-trade chocolate. (Yes, Keltie, I'm a lover of Cocoa Camino! Their hot chocolate is particularly impressive.)

On a related note, click here for addictive, ear-worm fun!

Takin' a Break

A little hooky
In the form of a dinner
With friends and friends' friends.

Yes, I left the paperwork behind for a while to enjoy a grand evening of food and chitchat. Ahhhh.

Tim Towers

Ready for compost:
Towering stacks of tea cups,
Like castles in sand.



This is the collection of Tim Hortons tea cups which have now finally come home with me to be composted. Many don't know that these paper cups can be composted in our local green bin program, and since the service isn't provided at work (and since they can't be put in our "garden composter" there), I collect them to bring home for compost. Landfill is bad! The thing is, I let them pile up quite a bit. This is the today's trip's worth: 198 cups. BUT WAIT! In my defense, since I order my tea clear (the tea version of black), they always double-cup it because it's pretty pickin' hot, so it's really only 99 cups of tea.

Rebellion

Sonya has declared
That no Idol posts be made.
(But that's what this is.)

Hahahaha! I'll post whatever I want, o high-maintenance one! Still, I WILL try to keep the subject matter varied. I also have some plans for new dullgloomy posts; it's just a matter of getting around to writing them.

Tryin' Seacrest

Dear Ryan Seacrest,
You want to seem cool, but
You're trying too hard.

All of your attempts to "stick it" to Simon just comes across as pathetic. And annoying. You're hired to host, not to roast. You're not a comedian. You're not an expert panel. You're not a psychologist. You're the "in between" guy who gives phone numbers. Accept it.

Mi Casa es Mi Casa

Something becomes clear
Each time family visits:
I should live alone.

It's not that such visits are bad, necessarily, but it does become evident that I have lived in a place of my own for quite some time, that I've grown accustomed to answering to and being responsible for only myself, and that I like it that way. (Hmmm. Maybe that's why I'm single. Hahaha!)